Roses in a flower pot
My friend Jill and I. She bought the painting.
Jeff and I before going to Preference
Waiting for dinner, eating chocolate
Carri, me, and CrystalPreference was last Saturday, and it was a blast! I am glad to say that my very first date went pretty well. Sure, it was perfect, but it passed my expectations. Jeff and I have been friends for a while, and I know his family, which is why I asked him. We had fun.
I will tell you this: I was super duper stressed out. The week of the dance came, and I got nervous. I was going on my first date, and all my dating fears were getting closer. Then something happened; one of my closest friends had someone close to them pass away. My friend didn't talk to us for a little over a week. I love this friend, just like I love all my friends. It was hard to not think about my friend. All I wanted to do was help, but there is not really much you can do but wait. I was beating myself up over it because I couldn't do much and I wanted to.
I was going to have my birthday party on the 5th, but it turned out that only three people were going to be able to make it. Now, I don't know about you, but I didn't want my 16th birthday party to only have three people at it. Not very appealing in my eyes. So I was bummed.
Saturday rolled around, and I was thrilled! Nervous beyond anything, but excited. 4:00 came around and the couples started arriving, without each other. Weird, I know. We decided to have a re-gressive dinner, and started at my house for dessert. It was my birthday cake (number one of three). Then we went to my friend Jessie's house for dinner, which was ka-bobs. We went to put all the food on the skewers, and I discovered that the meat was raw. Ha, no thank you. I don't want to touch that disgusting-ness. So I called Jeff over and he put my meat on my skewer for me. That earned him lots of brownie points. :) Then the appitizer was potato salad, but we all had to tie our wrists together. It was a little difficult, but still very fun.
Jeff dropped me off to get ready for the dance at 7:30. I got ready. I called my friend who was going through a hard time to remind him to read his scriptures. That didn't do any good for me. A lot of my dating fears were coming true, so I was fretting over that. Eyeshadow and me don't get along. All these things were on my mind, and it got to me. Jeff came and picked me up again. We went to the dance with my mind being even more stressed than it was before dinner. I felt like a party-pooper, but I knew that I wasn't. Jeff did open my car doors, open the other doors, and walk me to my door when he dropped me off (more brownie points).
At the end of this, I decided that everything that went wrong in my head was because of how I was feeling. Jeff was a perfect first date. I learned that I have to leave the stress at my front door when I leave my house for my date. I have to let go and let myself be myself. So Jeff, if you just happen to read this, I'm sorry for not being myself.
This kinda sounds depressing. Well, really I have been feeling a bit depressed. Like I said earlier, I was beating myself up over my friend who I couldn't really help and I need. It was on my mind constantly. I felt like there was no one to talk to about it. When I did try talking about it, it didn't really help. Then Solo and Ensemble was Tuesday. My top was starting to get ready to pop off. Orchestra played our pieces. They were good, but I didn't play my best. My quartet played our piece, and it was good, but still not my best playing. Then came the duet of death and destruction. By the time it was the duets turn, I had thought way too much about life. It did not go well, at all. I have played the duet so many times, and that time was probably the worst. I cried. Then I cried three times after that.
In my time of trouble and constant pressure, all I wanted was comfort. When I said my prayer that night, I prayer for comfort, and cried (which is included in the three times). My alarm rang the next morning, and I was surprised to find that I felt okay. That day was a good one.
I am so grateful that I have to Holy Ghost to comfort me in times of pressure and stress.
4 comments:
When I turned 16 I invited 73 people. 5 came, 3 because their parents made them. I know what it is like.
I would have come if you let me know.
There isn't anything wrong with crying. I think it is a gift from God. When I was in my black stage this last year I was unable to cry one of my heroes, and 2 of my friends died and I was unable to cry. Crying is a gift from God!
I think you dance went very well, as for a first date. It gets better as you do more. You'll do more I am sure.
Remember this: There are people who would give their life to be able to play the way you do. Your bad day, is the best they have ever played. Don't let it get to you, stay in love with it, and always try to improve.
Today we may not be at our best but we can be better tomorrow, and the performance isn't as much about being perfect as it is putting on a brave face and moving on when things don't go as planned. . .
Life is Beautiful! It is good to have good friends, on this and the other side of the vail.
T
Wow, just writing that looong post should have made you feel a lot better. Sometimes that is a good way to get all our feelings on the outside so we can deal with them. You are just too nice, that is your problem (a good problem, though). You want to take care of everyone and make sure that everyone is happy. I recognize that in you because that is the way I am. It can be very stressful! But you are smart, and you always seem to know how to fix things. I knew when I got to the end of your post, you would talk about prayer and everything would turn out okay. We can all learn from you Michelle. You are pretty amazing.
You've been introduced to one of my greatest struggles... Leaving hurts & sorrows at the feet of Jesus.
Now that I'm an adult (on most days at least lol!) I realize that life doesn't get easier. As of right now I have...
A friend struggling with the fact her husband left her despite their temple marriage & baby on the way.
A friend with two little ones having to move from her house because of financial issues.
A friend who's son has stopped praying, studying, and has gotten into drugs she thinks.
Another friend who's 2 year old nephew just died of cancer.
And it goes on and on and on...
I struggle to leave it all with Jesus and live life joyfully as He desires. I forget that I can trust Him to care for those I love. I can trust Him to be there at those times when no one else can be or should be.
Ya know, I think I've learned that there are times when it's only appropriate for the Savior to be with us. Those are the times when we remove ourselves from others (for a time) so that our spirit can be with Him alone.
That's so hard for me.
Dana you don't know me, but if there is anything I can do to help please feel free to shoot me an email and I'll do what I can to help any of your friends.
T
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