My life is average

I don't like raisins because they're wrinkly and strange. It's like eating old people. MLIA

Today, I realized that the voice actors for Winnie the Pooh and Optimus Prime are the same. Mind Blown. MLIA

I was talking to my seven year old cousin at a family reunion over the summer. She has a twin sister, and she informed me, "Hailey thinks she's better than me because she's two minutes older than me. But I know her worst fears. She's scared of Santa Claus and Michael Jackson." My family is amazing. MLIA

Awhile back, I was looking through my old papers from preschool. On one of them I wrote "I love math." Unfortunately, I didn't know how to spell math, so I instead wrote "I love meth." MLIA.

Toda, I decided to look up holidays on my birthday. My friends consider me a rather morbid person, so maybe it's no surprise September 2 is national beheading day... MLIA

Today, I woke up to find a bag of kitty-liter sitting in my living room. I live by myself and don't own a cat. I'm confused. MLIA

My friends and i had a small obsession with the song I whip my hair. One day we were sitting around a picnic table when someone told me I had a spider in my hair. Freaking out, I madly shook my head around attempting to get it out. When I stopped we all looked at each other and broke out into the chorus of i whip my hair at the exact same time. I love my friends. MLIA

Today, we had a substitute in one of our classes so me and my friend got the entire class in on a plan to have someone scream "CHINESE FIRE DRILL!!!" and everyone would get up and run to a different seat. When it was yelled, only 5 of us ran. Worth the epic fail? I think so . MLIA

Yesterday, while cleaning up the remaining Christmas decorations in my house, I found a roll of wrapping paper that in fact, turned out to be an unopened present from my uncle. A large, rolled up poster of Bob Dylan wearing sunglasses. Pleased with my new discovery, I ran upstairs to stick the poster on the wall opposite my bed. This morning I awoke and saw some creepy guy in sunglasses standing at the end of my bed. I screamed, threw my phone at him and ran out of my room. It was my poster. MLIA.

Today, i was in my least favorite teachers class and i decided to go to the nurse's office. i told her i felt sick and she checked my temperature and said it was average. She then continued to ask me what class i was in, I said "Mr. Bey" and she was like "well you do seem a bit sick, how bout you stay here the rest of the period." Best. Nurse. Ever.

Today I was playing charades, with this game thingy that picks a random word for you that you have to act out. To make things more interesting, I was randomly guessing "unicorn" each time. At one point I pointed at the window and screamed "look, a unicorn!" and got my brother to look. After awhile, I stopped and started doing real guesses. A few minutes later, my brother was acting out his word and started jumping up and down motioning toward the window. I was confused. His word? Unicorn. MLIA

Today, my identical twin brothers were calling each other ugly. They couldn't figure out why everyone else was laughing at them. MLIA

Today, my teacher sat down at his desk and was on his computer during a quiz. After we were done, he told us that his wife was pregnant and she had just sent him an email telling him that she needed chocolate. He looked scared. I don't blame him. MLIA

Just now, I was using my iPhone as a torch to search around my darkened bedroom. I was searching for my iPhone. MLIA

Today I had another one of my usual sneeze attacks. They start off slow and end with a big bang. When I gave my last sneeze, a car alarm went off. I feel like I have something to do with that. MLIA

I was helping my older brother move into his college dorm. A sign on the wall said, "No pets, except fish, allowed. (Hamsters in scuba gear do not count as fish.)" Who tried this that it had to be made a rule? I'm still confused.

Today I was going home with a friend and we went through a short cut. It was pretty dark so we saw an illuminated tree on someone's garden. My friend then said in a monotone voice, "I was told that if it sparkles, i must kill it." Anxiously i turn around to see her whacking the tree with her umbrella, furiously. I knew we were friends for a reason. MLIA

I always pretend like i'm dead when my mom walks into my room so it's normal for her. Today I pretended I was dead because I thought my mom was coming, turns out it was my grandma. She freaked out. MLIA.

A few days ago, someone sat on a sink in the girls' bathroom and it fell off the wall. When my friends and I went to go check it out at lunch, there was a note on the sink that said, "The chamber of secrets has been reopened! The heir to Slitherin lives!" MLIA.

So my grandparents were having their Sunday school class over and asked me to clean my room so they could show off the new house. Well while I was cleaning, I was singing. I opened my bedroom door cause I needed something from the hall closet. Guess who was there. My grandparents and about 10 of there friends. They started clapping and asked for an encore. Most awkward moment Ever. MLIA.

Today my mom started quoting the lord of the rings. She was calling the piece of pizza she was heating up "My precious". Earlier today she was practicing french in the bathroom and talking to the cats. She's actually quite a sane person and this is normal in our house. MLIA

A couple of days ago, I was making Swiss Miss hot choclate with my friend. She thought it was weird that I stirred counterclockwise a few times and then once clockwise. Then she made fun of me because the reason I do that is because in Advanced Potion Making the Half-Blood Prince says to stir counterclockwise 7 times and stir one clockwise for best results. Guess who's hot chocolate mixed better? MLIA

Today, we made "test tube" babies in Biology. We got to bring in a picture of our perfect mate, subsequently girls brought chaps like Chase Chrawford, Zac Efron, etc. I brought Voldemort, and my best friend showed up with Spock. MLIA

Today while I was taking a test in English, I realized that under the instructions for the Scantron, it told me to "Make Dark Marks". I always follow instructions, so naturally I drew a Dark Mark next to my answers. My test results? 134 out of 118. Harry Potter wins again. MLIA.

Yesterday, I pulled a prank on myself. How? Well, usually when I wake up in the morning, I roll off my bed. So, I layed sheets of bubblewrap all over the ground so that when I get up, I would pop a bunch and wake up immediately. Well, today I woke up and was late to class. Why? I spent two hours popping bubblewrap. MLIA.

When I was 8, I was delivering girl scout cookies. I walked up to this one house where there were a lot of squirrels. As I walked up the driveway, every single one stopped and watched me, death stares and all. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. To this day, I can't look at a squirrel and not fear for my life. MLIA

Today, the scanner at work broke. When no one was looking, I grabbed a pen and said "Reparo!" And, then, just incase that wouldn't work, I said "Imperio!" Apparently I am a) a witch, and b) the scanner at work is susceptible to the Imperious Curse. MLIA.

A few days ago the girl I babysit tried to curl her hair using my tampons. MLIA.

Today I was trying to print coloring pages off of crayola.com. It wouldnt let me print the T Rex or another dinosaur page. I spent the evening running back and forth from my computer to the printer, in escalating levels of panic. At 10:30 when I was in bed, sulking, my dad brought me 20 pages of dinosaurs. It turns out they had fallen under the table. an average ending for the dinosaurs. MLIA

Today, my mom walked into my room holding a big pile of freshly dried clothes, and asked me to wash them. I agreed, and she left the room as I proceeded to reach into the pile, and realized that it was really nice and warm. I crawled onto the pile and curled up into the warm clothes. Fifteen minutes later, I woke up to my mom smiling and holding her camera guiltily behind her back. MLIA

Today, I intoduced my friend to MLIA. She said she liked it, but didn't believe most of the stories. Out of nowhere my 80 year old grandmother runs into my room, tackles my friend, and leaves. MLIA

The other day, I was having a 3 way call with 2 of my best friends. One of them brought up the 4th of July, and the other asked when was the 4th of July. We told him it was on November 3rd. He's so excited. MLIA.

today i was driving home from volleyball practice. It was late and dark and i was by myself. As i was turning into my neighborhood, my seat started leaning back by itself. Imagining a murder behind me, i began screaming frantically and slammed the brakes... Turns out my seatbelt got stuck to the reclining bar. MLIA.

Last night I went to bed wearing socks. I then had a dream where someone stole my socks. No matter how much i begged and pleaded, they wouldn't give them back. Then, this morning my socks were gone and nowhere to be found. MLIA

Today, the morning announcements said that there would be a Quidditch meeting after school in my favorite teacher's classroom. After school, I went to his room to see and sign that read "Quidditch meeting canceled (Due to Ministry of Magic meeting... those darn muggles). I have never been more proud of my teacher preferences. MLIA

Today at my school library there was a sign on the wall that said platform 9 3/4. Next to it there was a sign that read For Narnia! I decided to charge at the wall and yell for Narnia! I ran into the wall with a loud thud. I am not sure what i am more upset about, the fact that I am a muggle, or that I am in detention.

Today i walked in to subway to find a man in a banana suit eating a banana. The little girl behind me screamed cannibal, and proceeded to run out the door. Glad to know kids these days know that its bad to eat each other. MLIA.