Ineffable

I learned the word ineffable today. The next time I have to write an essay, I will try to include that word.

While I was reflecting on my week, this word came into my head. It pretty much says everything but I will tell you anyway.

This week I experienced ineffable tiredness. In my life, that is never a good thing. I usually super duper grumpy when I am tired. And you don't want to say much of anything but "hello" to me. Ok, that's not entirely true, but you should most definately be straight forward with no sacasm.

Example: I am a class president in seminary. One of duties it to do the devotional. Since there are two other presidents, I don't do it everyday. Last week it did Tuesday and Thursday. Kamy (Katie and Amy) almost always play the piano for us. They were in the mood for playing Christmas songs, but I wasn't feeling it. At all.

On Tuesday morning, Landon was actually early. This was a miracle. So he was there in the hymn decision making process. Since I was tired and so not in the mood for something that I get sick of really fast when it is actually the time for it, I was trying my hardest to not sing a Christmas song. Now you are probably thinking, "What a party-pooper!" That is what Amy and Landon thought, so they impeached me as president.

This is where ineffable internal conflict with them kicked in. I did not appreciate their joking, at all. It was all in good humor, which I know.

So we sang the Christmas song. After the prayer was said, we read our scriptures. Since I put the devotional together that day, I gave a scripture. About five minutes earlier, I had been "impeached." I was feeling inadequate to share my testimony with the class that day.

Later that day, Landon told Katie that she has the best chance of getting Music Sterling Scholar. Before he told her this, I informed him that Charley and I were FOR SURE going for that one. He acknowledged me, so I know that he heard me, and then told Katie this. While I was sitting there listening, looking at Charley with my mouth wide open. Yeah, I wasn't very happy. I'm still not very happy about that one.

Wednesday I was super confused. I was also a man hater. They were the reason of my confusion. Improv practice was miserable until I stood up for the team. Nothing was working out right in my head.

This is where ineffable confusion and sadness comes in. All I wanted to was talk to Heather or my mom. First, I tried my mom. She was driving in Vegas, so she couldn't talk. I knew Heather was teaching so I couldn't talk to her. Once I got home from cleaning the animal clinic, I called Heather. I was on the verge of tears, and she was turning onto our street. Finally, I had someone to help me make sense of my thoughts.

So in my ineffable emotions, I decided to go to bed. Before I go to bed, I read my scriptures. That night was Book of Mormon night and the chapter I was on was 41 verses. I felt like I couldn't do that, even though they were shorter verses. So I flipped to 3 Nephi chapter 22. Why? Because it is only 17 verses, which is better than 7 and 41. I was just reading, not studying. I was tired and wanted to get it over with. Then on verse 10, everything changed.

"For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee..."

This verse was so comforting for me at this time. How could it not be? It reminds me that Christ IS there for me and that he does know that I am feeling not the greatest.

So, of course, I was going to share this experience in seminary the next day. I got there faster than normal so I could for sure do the devotional. I succeeded.

And then Kamy wanted another Christmas song. I had thought of the song that I wanted that day (number 293) and wrote it on the board and told them that that was the song we were going to sing.

I started by establshing how Christmas songs work. You know the feeling when you wake up on Christmas morning and realize that it is indeed Christmas? Now do you know the feeling when you wake up on Friday and realize that it is Friday? Same feeling, yes? That is what I think to. So I told everyone that we could sing Christmas songs on Friday, which happened to be the next day.

Shortly after, I sat down to sing hymn number 293. As Kamy started playing the piano, they were not playing 293. They were playing a Christmas song.

Seriously? After I just went on this whole little thing, you really did that? I felt like they had just made me look really awful. Like they ganged up on me and was like, "Heh, heh, heh. Let's make Michelle mad." Of course, that is not what they were doing, and I do know that.

We did sing 293, and did almost cry.

Then we prayed and read our scriptures. The person assigned to share a scripture did so, and then another girl. Her scripture and story and testimony was amazing. So I felt inadequate again.

But I got up and shared my scripture, how I found it, and cried a little.

In our times of trial and despair, chirst we always be there. His kindness is always there. He is the Greatest friend to have.