Dear Michelle,
Why are you still so upset? I thought that going to the temple would clear your mind a bit. It did. You hardly talked the whole time. You were thinking about how much you love your family and how much they love you. That day you were very introverted. You didn't want to cry in the art gallery because you didn't want anyone to know that you were hurting. You didn't want to cry in the end movie because you didn't want your girls to know how weak you are right now.
And then you look at Marci. You see that she doesn't hide anything. She is not ashamed to cry in the art gallery while you don't want them to know you are hurting. She is very extroverted. People make fun of her so much and she is still so strong. You want to have her strength. She may not realize it, but you look up to her.
So why does it make you sad that she is your Laurel president? Maybe it's because you were expecting yourself to have that position because you have been a class president since you were a beehive. Maybe it's because your sisters were both the Laurel class president and you want to be just like them (and trust me, you usually do).
But you know why. There are no "maybe's" anymore. When Sister Black was released, you were scared that you wouldn't be the Laurel class president. You love doing it. You love going to BYC meetings and thinking about all the things you can do to help the girls. Did you ever do them? Most of the time you didn't. You started to help Brittanie, and it has sure been fun. But you knew that Marci was going to have the position. You have no idea how you knew.
Then today when she asked you to be her first counselor, it sort of broke your heart. You wanted to be a better president for all the girls. You tend to just sit in shadows and not show who you really are.
But I have good news for you: You can still do all of that. Just because you aren't the president doesn't mean that you can't serve anymore. You are still going to take Brittanie out, teach Kelsie violin for free, clean Lynda's bathroom without having class for the summer, and be a better help around the house. You don't need to have a calling to do those things.
Do you see know why you need Marci as your president? You have so much to learn from not being the president.
Love,
Michelle
3 comments:
Oh, Michelle. You are so creative--I wish I was your high school English teacher. Don't be sad; you are a leader and always will be. You don't need a title, but others may...
Being president is a confirmation that others recognize the best part of me. It validates me.
Yet, I think of the Savior. How He was a poor carpenter, mocked & belittled in His own home town. How He was spat upon by people. How even now His name is nothing more than a curse word to most people. I remember that and it helps me realize that sometimes He puts me in places where I don't receive validation and I pray to learn from those experiences...
Yet, every once and a while I really, really desire the pat on the back, the public acknowlegdement & ya know what??? He arranges that for me when I really, really need it.
It'll definitely come back around for you too. Hopefully though, for both of us, we won't need it quite as much the next time around... Although, even if we do, He won't mind. He delights in telling us that He appreciates us.
I love you so much. Thank you for your friendship!
The key, Michelle, is to live your life so that you don't NEED validation. We all need to reach a point in our lives where we do things for the right reasons, not for recognition. I've talked with you--you are very close! You're amazing!
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